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BANANAZZZ

21 Apr 2014

listen up pigs, it’s finally here. online, for you: BANANAZZZ.

this movie contains all sorts of LIES about me but if you look past them, you can learn shitloads about being a creative genius. directed by kate sweeney, some girl.

- craig

21 Apr 2014

"proudly" PROUDLY presenting the BANANAZZZ MANIFESTO by me, craig evanhalen. this is a guide to punkworld, covering politics, religion, punk, love(?), business and more. if you don’t read it there’s something fucking wrong with you. CLICK HERE TO READ IT, YOU FUCKING COMMON PEOPLE.
big announcement coming, creeps.

"proudly" PROUDLY presenting the BANANAZZZ MANIFESTO by me, craig evanhalen. this is a guide to punkworld, covering politics, religion, punk, love(?), business and more. if you don’t read it there’s something fucking wrong with you. CLICK HERE TO READ IT, YOU FUCKING COMMON PEOPLE.

big announcement coming, creeps.

19 Apr 2014

i dont know what this is or why it’s here but i suppose its coming out someday

18 Apr 2014

big announcement coming soon. stay tuned.

big announcement coming soon. stay tuned.

8 Apr 2014

next monday instead of some yuppie condo popping up, a REAL FUCKING PUNK will be popping up at some fucking blockbuster video or whatever. also i hope that reverend girl is ready to hear my OPINIONS ABOUT FAITH whatever im craig
VISIT THE EVENT PAGE AND CLICK ATTEND YOU PIG
Videology - 308 Bedford Ave, Brooklyn, NY
8:30pm

next monday instead of some yuppie condo popping up, a REAL FUCKING PUNK will be popping up at some fucking blockbuster video or whatever. also i hope that reverend girl is ready to hear my OPINIONS ABOUT FAITH whatever im craig

VISIT THE EVENT PAGE AND CLICK ATTEND YOU PIG

Videology - 308 Bedford Ave, Brooklyn, NY

8:30pm

11 Nov 2013

IDIOTS,

BANANAZZZ will be screening at this years WFMU record fair whatever. these record dorks will be shaking in the presence of an enigmatic genius like myself. watch this film to be reminded of what punk can be—SEXY, DOGMATIC and DAMN INTENSE. dont even try to shake my hand at the post-screening q&a or else i will superman punch you.

the screening is on sunday, november 24th at 2pm (ugh, daytime) at the metropolitan pavilion in the bourgeois borough of new york city.

also if you donated to my cause…be prepared to receive your fan pack along with your very own copy of the BANANAZZZ MANIFESTO sometime soon. 

brettdavis:

On Sunday, November 24th at 2pm, BANANAZZZ will be screening at the WFMU Record Fair! The film follows Craig Evanhalen’s journey as he creates a “punk” band to cash in on the underground and prove his worth after his past as a member of failed boy band CUL8R. Check out the video above, which is an excerpt from BANANAZZZ, where Craig asks his parents for money to fly to SXSW. 

This is a particularly special time as The Best Show on WFMU is coming to an end. This show has been such a big part of my life, and seeing it come to an end is a big deal, dere. So if you haven’t gotten on board, DO IT! Also, feel free to reminisce with some mid-2000s Best Show appearances from the likes of creepy second-generation comedian Akiva Smirnoff, and the MC Steinberg/Ted Leo rap battle, with a panel of celebrity judges from Newbridge. 

I’m really honored to screen the film here, and I’m excited for the entire fair, which includes some really great stuff including documentaries about Raymond Scott, Joe Meek, Andrew Bird (you know, people in the same category as Craig Evanhalen), a puppet film by Quintron and Miss Pussycat, and live performances by Shannon & The Clams, Liquor Store, Jeffrey Lewis and Blowfly and tons of weird record nerds mulling around! Spread the word!

15 Jul 2013

supp infantiles, 
your fave enigmatic genius is not happy to be back on the newest Weird Vibes on mtv hive. sure, you can see me perform in the back of a pedicab, and skype with my obsessive fans, but the show is hosted by my FUCKING NUMBSKULL FATHER that works for mtv (blame him for the cancellation of yo momma). thanks for ruining everything i do, charles (yeah i call him by his first name). 

also there’s other stuff from ariel pink (not a chick), dinosaur jr (nothin junior about these fossils) and the so so glos (so so). and videos too who is this watchahaxee chick tell her about me (my name is craig and im great). also please support viacom with this exciting creative venture they need yr help whatever. 
WATCH WEIRD VIBES HERE or “podcast” it.

supp infantiles,

your fave enigmatic genius is not happy to be back on the newest Weird Vibes on mtv hive. sure, you can see me perform in the back of a pedicab, and skype with my obsessive fans, but the show is hosted by my FUCKING NUMBSKULL FATHER that works for mtv (blame him for the cancellation of yo momma). thanks for ruining everything i do, charles (yeah i call him by his first name).

also there’s other stuff from ariel pink (not a chick), dinosaur jr (nothin junior about these fossils) and the so so glos (so so). and videos too who is this watchahaxee chick tell her about me (my name is craig and im great).
also please support viacom with this exciting creative venture they need yr help whatever.

WATCH WEIRD VIBES HERE or “podcast” it.

8 May 2013

new video in which i hate my parents OH WAIT NOTHIN NEW ABOUT THAT whatever go eat a bag of hate

29 Apr 2013

craig evanhalen here, the enigmatic star of acclaimed rockdoc BANANAZZZ. today, i come to you with a heavy heart.
director kate sweeney and the filmmakers behind the BANANAZZZ had an honest dream: to make me, craig evanhalen, the punk bob dylan. we succeeded in that dream, but it came at a cost.
now the filmmakers are in debt to a mafioso—i’ll say the fucker’s name, vinny “the dog” d’agostino—and he is tired of waiting. he says he is going to MURDER the filmmakers if they do not raise the funds in the next 38 hours. i know, it sucks.
so please, open up your hearts and wallets and save the lives of some intrepid young filmmakers with bright futures ahead of them by donating to the BANANAZZZ indiegogo. if you do not, and i do not mince words here, their blood will be on your hands. evanhalen out.
#DIYorDIE #tooyoung

craig evanhalen here, the enigmatic star of acclaimed rockdoc BANANAZZZ. today, i come to you with a heavy heart.

director kate sweeney and the filmmakers behind the BANANAZZZ had an honest dream: to make me, craig evanhalen, the punk bob dylan. we succeeded in that dream, but it came at a cost.

now the filmmakers are in debt to a mafioso—i’ll say the fucker’s name, vinny “the dog” d’agostino—and he is tired of waiting. he says he is going to MURDER the filmmakers if they do not raise the funds in the next 38 hours. i know, it sucks.

so please, open up your hearts and wallets and save the lives of some intrepid young filmmakers with bright futures ahead of them by donating to the BANANAZZZ indiegogo. if you do not, and i do not mince words here, their blood will be on your hands. evanhalen out.

#DIYorDIE #tooyoung

1 Apr 2013

THIS THURSDAY
supp spineless worms, it’s your leader. since BANANAZZZ is in the REVOLUTION business, we are bringing our REVOLUTION to death by audio in “brooklyn” on thursday, april 4th. we will also be bringing other bands and comedy films whatever. plus, there will be surprises and did i mention a REVOLUTION!? WATCH OUT, “STATUS QUO” #occupydba screenings ofBANANAZZZ the story of the most important band of your generationI HATE BEING SINGLE rob michael hugel’s (ucb, onassis) popular webseries about a sad and awkward guy who is trying to figure himself out in “brooklyn”. i can’t relate, because i dont live in brooklyn i dont even know what it is.GOOD COP GREAT COP videos from this sketch group. i would say they are really funny but i dont see how we can laugh with so much war in the world. music byNUCLEAR SANTA CLAUST whatTRASH RIDE from poserville, usa aka new brunswick, nj aka “this town needs a grenade”LILITH VELKOR i missed this chick at the last screening but ill be looking for her ;) PLUS A SURPRISE GUEST TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON i have been talking to the guy from third eye blind
it will be anarchy in the bk we are looking for a sponsorship
Death By Audio - 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn, NY
8pm

THIS THURSDAY

supp spineless worms, it’s your leader. since BANANAZZZ is in the REVOLUTION business, we are bringing our REVOLUTION to death by audio in “brooklyn” on thursday, april 4th. we will also be bringing other bands and comedy films whatever. plus, there will be surprises and did i mention a REVOLUTION!? WATCH OUT, “STATUS QUO” #occupydba

screenings of

BANANAZZZ
the story of the most important band of your generation

I HATE BEING SINGLE
rob michael hugel’s (ucb, onassis) popular webseries about a sad and awkward guy who is trying to figure himself out in “brooklyn”. i can’t relate, because i dont live in brooklyn i dont even know what it is.

GOOD COP GREAT COP
videos from this sketch group. i would say they are really funny but i dont see how we can laugh with so much war in the world.

music by

NUCLEAR SANTA CLAUST
what

TRASH RIDE
from poserville, usa aka new brunswick, nj aka “this town needs a grenade”

LILITH VELKOR
i missed this chick at the last screening but ill be looking for her ;)

PLUS A SURPRISE GUEST TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON
i have been talking to the guy from third eye blind

it will be anarchy in the bk we are looking for a sponsorship

Death By Audio - 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn, NY

8pm

1 Mar 2013

THIS IS HOW YOU PUNK ROCK

1 Mar 2013

supp. it’s craig. lead genius of BANANAZZZ. 
almost a year ago some girl named kate sweeney followed me as i created the independent rock juggernaut known as BANANAZZZ. she released the movie and it has been screening around the country and everybody likes it (naturally).
she recently started a INDIEGOGO CAMPAIGN (fuck kickstarter) and is fundraising for it. normally, i just would ignore it, but i have said so many mean things to her during production, after production, and sometimes in random emails. i owe this to her.
so please check out the BANANAZZZ fundraiser whatever. if you donate money, you can get cool stuff like this BANANAZZZ tshirt, a zine written by those involved in the film, a dvd wil some never before seen extras, and for a $100 donation, i will accept any challenge you give me. bring it.
DONATE NOW!

supp. it’s craig. lead genius of BANANAZZZ. 

almost a year ago some girl named kate sweeney followed me as i created the independent rock juggernaut known as BANANAZZZ. she released the movie and it has been screening around the country and everybody likes it (naturally).

she recently started a INDIEGOGO CAMPAIGN (fuck kickstarter) and is fundraising for it. normally, i just would ignore it, but i have said so many mean things to her during production, after production, and sometimes in random emails. i owe this to her.

so please check out the BANANAZZZ fundraiser whatever. if you donate money, you can get cool stuff like this BANANAZZZ tshirt, a zine written by those involved in the film, a dvd wil some never before seen extras, and for a $100 donation, i will accept any challenge you give me. bring it.

DONATE NOW!

26 Feb 2013

BANANAZZZ - the new trailer

what happens when an enigmatic genius says, “nice walls, i think i’ll RIP THEM DOWN” (referring to the walls that confine culture and the voice of the angry youth)? this rockumentary tells that story. follow craig (me), darren, mark and dan (ugh) as we go from new jersey to texas in efforts to change the world and prove some stuff to my parents whatever. our band could rule your life and IT WILL. BANANAZZZ.

21 Feb 2013

ugh…i can’t stop hearing about this screeching females video. punk shouldnt be anything i see in this video. plus marissa wont answer my “invite a friend to ok cupid” emails i have been sending. whatever. i will say…the one chick with the sunglasses is pretty sexy. #sssup #indiepowercouple2k13

20 Feb 2013

(reposted from pitchfork - craig)
Guest List features artists we like filling us in on some of their favorite things, along with other random bits. For this edition, we’ve got Craig and Darren of New Brunswick, NJ art-punkers BANANAZZZ.
First Record I Bought For Myself
CE: *NSYNC. self-titled. even though they are posers they taught me that u can have band name with all caps. plus i was into that shit because i was young and impressionable and sipping from the teet of capitalist greed like the little hamster they wanted me to be. not anymore, though. now i am what they fear the most…young, angry and not afraid to SHOUT!
DM: Freezeframe by J. Geils Band
Favorite New Songs From the Past Year
CE: i dont listen to new music because these “artists” arent making “art” anymore. they are making brands. i try to seperate myself from these poseurs and carve out my own nitch[sic]
DM: “Tattoo” by Van Halen.
Favorite Older Songs at the Moment
CE: i dont listen to older music because i think of those old people that claimed to fight the fight, and where are they now? sippin on their macheyatos[sic] and telling their kids to eat their happy meals.
DM: Too many to list, but if i had to choose just one, it would be “La Villa Strangiato” by Rush.
Favorite New Artist
CE: BANANAZZZ
DM: I saw Amy Winehouse on an old episode of Leno that I had taped back in 2009. I’m making my way though the archives I had made myself during my orgy years (which was back when I had orgies all the time, and I would miss Leno). She has got some talent, and some rack on her, too! I liked that “Rehab” song because they tried to make me go to sex rehab but I didn’t get better, I had sex with two of the patients. I had to get dental work after the orgies I had in that place! Sex rehab is a lot like when your dad catches you smoking a cigarette and makes you smoke an entire pack…only instead of cigarettes its pussy and intsead of smoking it, you’re, well, smokin’ it.
My Dream Merch Table
CE: BANANAZZZ shirts, lps, eps, cds, tapes, patches, posters, postcards, pins, silicone bracelets, caps, stickers, tote bags, knit hats, air fresheners, BANANAZZZ comic book “BANANAZZZ The Punk Prophet”, mugs, lighters, non-alcoholic drink koozies, scarves, secret grab bag, carabiner clips, non-alcoholic drink openers, sandals, calendars, day calendars, bandanazzz, sunglasses, craig evanhalen bobbleheads, throw blankets, “FUCK CANCER” magnetic ribbons, coasters, watches, mesh shorts, hoodies, dresses, guitar straps, picks, non-alcoholic drink cup & ping-pong ball sets, aluminum water bottles with carabiner clips, ALONE: The Craig Evanhalen Storyhardcover books, craig evanhalen teddy bear, 500-piece puzzles, skins for iPod/iPad/laptop, pens, umbrellas, beach blankets, lamps, model sets, clocks, key chains, kitchen & bath items, diaper bags, lanyards, eyeglass cases, and non-denominational holiday ornaments
My Dream Collaboration
CE: me, myself and i.
DM: A drum circle with Bonham, Keith Moon, Ginger Baker, Frank Beard, Alex Van Halen and Tommy Lee. The greats.
Favorite Day of the Week
CE: sunday because it’s “god’s day” which is ridiculous and because its when my mom and dad bring a chef in and even though i feel like he is an indentured servant (not slave he’s french) he still makes fuckin good crapes[sic]
DM: TOPLESS TUESDAY! Tied for second is “Whip ‘em Out Wednesday,” “Thong Thursday,” “Moon Me Monday,” “Fingerbang Friday”
Last Great Book I Read
CE: bone in the throat by anthony bourdain
DM: Buddy Rich’s Modern Interpretation Of Snare Drum Rudiments by Buddy Rich
Last Great Film I Saw
CE: slc punk
DM: Kentucky Fried Movie
Favorite TV Show
CE: ugh television
DM: I don’t watch much TV, I get bad reception in the van but I used to love Mork & Mindy as a kid. Mork from Ork!
Favorite Radio Show
CE: ugh the radio
DM: Whatever happened to Eddie Trunk?
Favorite Record Shop
CE: ugh stores
DM: Best Buy in Edison, NJ. Do you know if Angela still works there?
Favorite Piece of Musical Equipment
CE: my voice
DM: I dropped 700k on a DW Neil Peart Time Machine snare drum. I got it at a bargain from my friend Marty. It’s got VLT (Vertical Low Timbre) which gives it a real nice crack, warmth, and bottom end. Plus, it’s got hand airbrush work, a reproduction of the very same snare Neil plays onstage. Custom copper hardware, a MAG throw-off system with 3P butt plate, 3.0 True Hoops, True Tone snare wires and Remo DW Heads. It’s still in the box, I’m afraid to touch it.
Favorite Music Video
CE: i like “everybody (backstreet’s back)” because even though the song is for gays—which is fine, whatever its 2012—i think it’s a really accurate parody of the horror film genre, and the choreographer is fatima robinson a really sweet woman and family friend.
DM: I don’t have MTV.
My Ringtone
DM: Whats a ring-tone? Like a bell? I like cowbell.
Best Purchase of the Past Year
CE: megaphone, because i was always getting my mic cut off at shows but now i just use a megaphone.
DM: Fleshlight.
Best Thing I Did This Year
CE: incite the silent majority
DM: Went on tour with the Silver Bullet Band. Well, I guess that was last year. What year did they elect Obama?
Strangest Display of Affection from a Fan
CE: [long laugh] chicks always come up to me at parties and offer things to me hehe, but the weirdest was when some dumb bitch showed up with like, a poster and all over it was pictures of me gluesticked on and big bubble letters that they got from like michaels arts and crafts or something and it was really amateurish. im not asking for my fans to perform at the creative standard i set for myself but come on, TRY.
Favorite Junk Food
CE: mass media
DM: Pretzels.
Morning Routine
CE: you wake up, you brush your teeth, you get in your car, you drive to a job you HATE. work four hours, take a lunch break—that’s only there to remind you of the freedoms you don’t have…work another four hours,fight traffic home, eat dinner, watch…american idol…or something, get in bed, go to sleep, WASH, RINSE, REPEAT. if youre living a life like this, you’re a drone, man. workin that 9-to-5 artificial lifestyle created in the 1950’s by the bourgeoise[sic] u.s. government with the emerging middle class. human nature rejects what is artifical[sic], and if that’s your life…i feel sorry for you. not me, man. i am the proletarait[sic]. I am an agent of subversion. I am a revolutionary. im craig evanhalen…and I’m gonna change the fucking world.
DM: Jerk before work/Cocoa Puffs.

(reposted from pitchfork - craig)

Guest List features artists we like filling us in on some of their favorite things, along with other random bits. For this edition, we’ve got Craig and Darren of New Brunswick, NJ art-punkers BANANAZZZ.

First Record I Bought For Myself

CE: *NSYNC. self-titled. even though they are posers they taught me that u can have band name with all caps. plus i was into that shit because i was young and impressionable and sipping from the teet of capitalist greed like the little hamster they wanted me to be. not anymore, though. now i am what they fear the most…young, angry and not afraid to SHOUT!

DM: Freezeframe by J. Geils Band

Favorite New Songs From the Past Year

CE: i dont listen to new music because these “artists” arent making “art” anymore. they are making brands. i try to seperate myself from these poseurs and carve out my own nitch[sic]

DM: “Tattoo” by Van Halen.

Favorite Older Songs at the Moment

CE: i dont listen to older music because i think of those old people that claimed to fight the fight, and where are they now? sippin on their macheyatos[sic] and telling their kids to eat their happy meals.

DM: Too many to list, but if i had to choose just one, it would be “La Villa Strangiato” by Rush.

Favorite New Artist

CE: BANANAZZZ

DM: I saw Amy Winehouse on an old episode of Leno that I had taped back in 2009. I’m making my way though the archives I had made myself during my orgy years (which was back when I had orgies all the time, and I would miss Leno). She has got some talent, and some rack on her, too! I liked that “Rehab” song because they tried to make me go to sex rehab but I didn’t get better, I had sex with two of the patients. I had to get dental work after the orgies I had in that place! Sex rehab is a lot like when your dad catches you smoking a cigarette and makes you smoke an entire pack…only instead of cigarettes its pussy and intsead of smoking it, you’re, well, smokin’ it.

My Dream Merch Table

CE: BANANAZZZ shirts, lps, eps, cds, tapes, patches, posters, postcards, pins, silicone bracelets, caps, stickers, tote bags, knit hats, air fresheners, BANANAZZZ comic book “BANANAZZZ The Punk Prophet”, mugs, lighters, non-alcoholic drink koozies, scarves, secret grab bag, carabiner clips, non-alcoholic drink openers, sandals, calendars, day calendars, bandanazzz, sunglasses, craig evanhalen bobbleheads, throw blankets, “FUCK CANCER” magnetic ribbons, coasters, watches, mesh shorts, hoodies, dresses, guitar straps, picks, non-alcoholic drink cup & ping-pong ball sets, aluminum water bottles with carabiner clips, ALONE: The Craig Evanhalen Storyhardcover books, craig evanhalen teddy bear, 500-piece puzzles, skins for iPod/iPad/laptop, pens, umbrellas, beach blankets, lamps, model sets, clocks, key chains, kitchen & bath items, diaper bags, lanyards, eyeglass cases, and non-denominational holiday ornaments

My Dream Collaboration

CE: me, myself and i.

DM: A drum circle with Bonham, Keith Moon, Ginger Baker, Frank Beard, Alex Van Halen and Tommy Lee. The greats.

Favorite Day of the Week

CE: sunday because it’s “god’s day” which is ridiculous and because its when my mom and dad bring a chef in and even though i feel like he is an indentured servant (not slave he’s french) he still makes fuckin good crapes[sic]

DM: TOPLESS TUESDAY! Tied for second is “Whip ‘em Out Wednesday,” “Thong Thursday,” “Moon Me Monday,” “Fingerbang Friday”

Last Great Book I Read

CE: bone in the throat by anthony bourdain

DM: Buddy Rich’s Modern Interpretation Of Snare Drum Rudiments by Buddy Rich

Last Great Film I Saw

CE: slc punk

DM: Kentucky Fried Movie

Favorite TV Show

CE: ugh television

DM: I don’t watch much TV, I get bad reception in the van but I used to love Mork & Mindy as a kid. Mork from Ork!

Favorite Radio Show

CE: ugh the radio

DM: Whatever happened to Eddie Trunk?

Favorite Record Shop

CE: ugh stores

DM: Best Buy in Edison, NJ. Do you know if Angela still works there?

Favorite Piece of Musical Equipment

CE: my voice

DM: I dropped 700k on a DW Neil Peart Time Machine snare drum. I got it at a bargain from my friend Marty. It’s got VLT (Vertical Low Timbre) which gives it a real nice crack, warmth, and bottom end. Plus, it’s got hand airbrush work, a reproduction of the very same snare Neil plays onstage. Custom copper hardware, a MAG throw-off system with 3P butt plate, 3.0 True Hoops, True Tone snare wires and Remo DW Heads. It’s still in the box, I’m afraid to touch it.

Favorite Music Video

CE: i like “everybody (backstreet’s back)” because even though the song is for gays—which is fine, whatever its 2012—i think it’s a really accurate parody of the horror film genre, and the choreographer is fatima robinson a really sweet woman and family friend.

DM: I don’t have MTV.

My Ringtone

DM: Whats a ring-tone? Like a bell? I like cowbell.

Best Purchase of the Past Year

CE: megaphone, because i was always getting my mic cut off at shows but now i just use a megaphone.

DM: Fleshlight.

Best Thing I Did This Year

CE: incite the silent majority

DM: Went on tour with the Silver Bullet Band. Well, I guess that was last year. What year did they elect Obama?

Strangest Display of Affection from a Fan

CE: [long laugh] chicks always come up to me at parties and offer things to me hehe, but the weirdest was when some dumb bitch showed up with like, a poster and all over it was pictures of me gluesticked on and big bubble letters that they got from like michaels arts and crafts or something and it was really amateurish. im not asking for my fans to perform at the creative standard i set for myself but come on, TRY.

Favorite Junk Food

CE: mass media

DM: Pretzels.

Morning Routine

CE: you wake up, you brush your teeth, you get in your car, you drive to a job you HATE. work four hours, take a lunch break—that’s only there to remind you of the freedoms you don’t have…work another four hours,fight traffic home, eat dinner, watch…american idol…or something, get in bed, go to sleep, WASH, RINSE, REPEAT. if youre living a life like this, you’re a drone, man. workin that 9-to-5 artificial lifestyle created in the 1950’s by the bourgeoise[sic] u.s. government with the emerging middle class. human nature rejects what is artifical[sic], and if that’s your life…i feel sorry for you. not me, man. i am the proletarait[sic]. I am an agent of subversion. I am a revolutionary. im craig evanhalen…and I’m gonna change the fucking world.

DM: Jerk before work/Cocoa Puffs.